


Seeing Him

by Kaunis_Sielu



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-28
Updated: 2017-11-28
Packaged: 2019-02-07 19:22:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12847839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaunis_Sielu/pseuds/Kaunis_Sielu
Summary: You may be blind but you also may be the only one who actually sees him for who he is, not what he's done.





	1. Chapter 1

One of them trips you, another yanks away your white cane as his friends laugh. You stumble and your hands hit some cement, the side of a building.  
“Watch where you’re going.” One of the boys leers and the rest of them laugh, there sounds like there’s six of them. Too bad you didn’t have a dog, maybe they’d leave you alone.  
“Hey!” A male voice barks and you hear your cane clatter to the ground as six pairs of feet charge away from you. “Are you okay?” His voice is low and gravelly but kind when he speaks to you.  
“Yea, I’m okay. Those idiots don’t like it when you turn them down for dates because they’re ten or more years younger than you.” You feel for your cane and he places it in your hands.  
“How do you know how old they were?” He asks sounding surprised.  
“I can hear it in their voices.” You stand, feeling him gently grasp your arm as you make it to your feet. “The way they talk too, I can tell that you’re an adult. Probably mid-thirties.”  
“Oh you’re bleeding.”  
“I thought so.” You hear the fabric of his coat moving and the sound of fabric. You feel a soft fabric wrap around your elbow. He ties it off taking care to be gentle.  
“Thank you.” You start down the street and he matches your pace. “What color is the bandana?”  
“It’s actually a clean handkerchief.”  
“Oh. How classic of you.” You say with a laugh. His hand closes around your arm and he yanks you to him. “Woah.”  
“Sorry, there was something in your way.”  
“Could I just hold onto you?” You ask, and after a pause he chuckles to himself.  
“Of course.”  
“You nodded your head didn’t you?”  
“Yea.”  
“That happens all the time.” You loop your arm through his, “Oh, what’s your name?” He pauses and you’re confused, did you offend him somehow?  
“James.” He says softly. “You?”  
“Marissa.”  
“Where are we headed today Marissa?” You like the way your name rolls off his tongue.  
“Home. We’re at Main and fourth right?”  
“Yea.” He sounds surprised.  
“Okay. We’re going to hang a right in two blocks, it’s the fifth house on the right.” You walk in silence for the next two blocks. It’s not an uncomfortable silence, just a silence.  
“This is it.” He says but you know you haven’t gone far enough since the turn.  
“Are you sure? What color is it?”  
“Grey. With a big window box full of flowers.” He sounds confused.  
“That’s my neighbors.” You laugh, mine is the brick with the smaller window boxes with herbs.  
“Oh, sorry. How do you know what color your house is? Did someone just tell you?”  
“No, I wasn’t born blind.” You make your way up the steps, “I was in the armed forces and was too close to an explosion.”  
“I’m sorry.” You press your finger to the scanning lock and the bolt clicks.  
“It’s alright. I manage just fine.” He pulls the door open and you hear metal click against metal, a ring maybe? Or a watch against the door handle? Neither of those sounded right. “Thank you for your help.”  
“Anytime. I could give you my number if you want, you know in case you ever need help again.” You can practically hear him blushing.  
“That would be nice.” You pass him your phone and you hear him enter in his information. “What did you put your name as?”  
“James Barnes.”  
“Okay, that way I can just talk to my phone. It’s easier that way.”  
“Smart.” He passes you back your phone as his own starts to ring. “Crap. I have to get going. It was great meeting you, feel free to call me anytime.” He thumps down your front stairs, “Oh and send me your number!” He calls as he moves away, he seems to go strangely fast.  
“See you!” You call, hopefully not to no one. “Hey Siri text James Barnes.”  
“What would you like to say to James Barnes?” You tell it your name then send him the message. Hopefully this really won’t be the last time you get to spend time with him. He seems like a puzzle, a riddle for you to figure out. You always did love a good challenge.


	2. Seeing Him: 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How can you trust a lie?

You’ve been texting with James for about three weeks. You haven’t made plans to see one another but his job keeps him crazy busy, he seems to travel a lot for it too. You’re pretty sure that he works with the Avengers because two days ago Tony Stark came to your place and asked if he could set you up with the AI system. B.A.B.L. He’d pronounced it ‘Babble’ and the AI had already proven itself extremely helpful. Babble woke you, told you the weather, gave you any messages you might have gotten and spanned the entire brownstone. It was a wonder you’d ever gotten anywhere on time without Babble, or Babs as you liked to call her.   
“Miss you’re going to want a light jacket today, might I suggest the third from the back to match your black dress.”  
“Thanks Babs.”  
“Have a good day miss.” You lock up the house and head on your daily trek to work. Ever since the encounter with James those boys have left you alone. You make it to work at the VA with time to spare.   
“Hey!” Sam. It’s been a while since you’d worked at the same time, with his new job doing security (or so he claims) you don’t get to hang out with him often.   
“Hey Sam. It’s been a while.”  
“Yea long time no see.” He chuckles at his own joke and you punch him in the arm. “Ow! You’re not really blind are you?” He complains.   
“No you’re just really loud.” You say with a laugh. Your chair bumps the back of your legs and you sit down as Sam slides you in toward your computer. “Is my sign up?” It’s a sign you’d had made that informed people who came to your desk for help that you were blind and to make their presence known.   
“Yea. So a buddy of mine is coming in today. Play nice.”  
“Yes sir.” You give him a smirk, when the two of you had, respectively, left the service you’d been the higher ranking officer. You technically were still higher up in the tree than him but since some aspects of your job were difficult or took a long time the two of you ended up sharing the position.   
You hear the footsteps twenty minutes later. You know them, your heart is pounding in your chest so hard you’re not sure it’s going to stay there.   
“James?”   
“How?” He sounds amazed and you laugh softly.   
“You have a very distinct walk.”   
“But of all the people it could have been I’m still surprised you knew it was me.”  
“I knew that Sam wasn’t working security!”   
“He told you he was working security?” James sounds surprised. “Yea, he’s an Avenger.”  
“Ugh! Wait does that mean you’re an Avenger too?”  
“Uh, yea.” He sounds hesitant, unsure if he wants you to know.   
“What aren’t you telling me?” You ask calling him out.   
“Do you want to go to dinner?”   
“James.” You say softly, “What are you hiding from me?”   
“It’s nothing. I just like you and want to take you out.” You’re about to answer when you hear Sam coming toward the desk.   
“Sam. Your friend is here.”  
“Oh hey Bucky, where’s Steve?”  
“Coming late. He’s got something with Black Widow and Hawkeye.”   
“Wait, you go by Bucky? As in the Winter Soldier? As in the former assassin?”   
“Wait you two know each other?” Sam says sounding confused.   
“No. We don’t.” You say grabbing your cane and making your way to the bathroom. “James don’t follow me.” You snap hearing his soft footsteps behind you.   
“Just let me explain.”  
“I’m not interested.”  
“Please.” He begs, now you know what that clicking noise was. His metal hand.   
“No!” You snarl slamming the bathroom door behind you. Why did he lie? Did he not trust you? You drop your head back against the door with a soft groan. It’s so stupid, it shouldn’t be this big of a deal. It’s just a name. Why does it bother you so much?


	3. Seeing Him: 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will a quick judgement ruin everything?

You don’t know why he didn’t tell you. You wait until you can’t hear his voice anymore. Venturing out of the ladies room you make your way back to your desk where you hear a soft sigh.   
“Hello?”  
“It’s me.” Sam says sounding both annoyed and concerned. “So what the hell just happened?”  
“Well first of all I knew you weren’t working private security! How the hell didn’t you tell me you were an Avenger?! I can’t believe you!” You want to sound angry but you know you don’t. You’re actually pretty damn thrilled.   
“Yea, I know you’re not pissed at me.” He says with a laugh, “I’m not the blind one.”  
“You have to tell me everything.”  
“Only if you tell me what just happened with Bucky.”   
“Nothing. He just failed to mention who he was to me and gave me a different name so that I wouldn’t figure it out.”  
“What do you mean?” Sam asks so you explain it to him. You explain that those boys had been harassing you, again, and that James had stepped in. You tell him about how you’d been texting with James for almost a month now and he’d had more than one opportunity to tell you who he was.   
Sam, for once in his life, doesn’t interrupt you once during your story. He just listens, occasionally making “mhmm” sounds so you knew he was there and that he was listening.   
“So?” You ask once you’ve finished.   
“Don’t be mad at me.”  
“Oh my god you’re going to agree with him.”  
“Not exactly. But I want you to understand why he told you his legal name.”  
“Did he tell you?”  
“No. We’re not like best friends or anything but I’m pretty sure I’ve got it figured out.”   
“Impress me.” You say with a soft sigh reaching for your chair.   
“More to the left. So you know that Bucky went by "The Winter Soldier” and that he was an assassin.“ You nod settling into the chair. "What you don’t know is that he was brainwashed by a group called Hydra. They’ve been trying to take over the world and he was their weapon. They wiped his memory, forced him to kill people and if he ever remembered or tried to fight back they would fry his memory again.” Oh god. Poor James. That’s horrible, you never would have guessed that he’d been so horribly abused. “When they weren’t using him to murder people they had him in cryosleep. Literally keeping him on ice. He was Steve’s best friend and the first time they saw each other Bucky had no idea who Steve was. Tried to kill him.” You’re quiet for a while after that. You could understand why he wouldn’t tell you that he went by Bucky, maybe with you he could just be James again.   
“Sam?” You say softly.  
“Hmm?”  
“I want to go see him.”  
“I don’t know. He seemed pretty pissed when he left.”  
“Please Sam. I need to make this right.” You hear him sigh loudly and you know you’ve won.   
“Fine. Tonight after work I’ll take you to the Tower.”  
“Thanks Sam.” Tonight. You could hash this all out with James tonight. It’s surprising to you but you already can’t imagine life without him in it. He’d quickly become one of your closest friends. Hopefully you hadn’t fucked it up.


	4. Seeing Him: 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that she knows he's Bucky will she see a monster or a man?

Sam is true to his word and brings you to the Avengers tower after work.   
“Hello Sam. I see you have a guest with you. Welcome Marissa.”  
“That’s F.R.I.D.A.Y. Tony’s AI.”  
“Yea. He gave me one in my apartment.”  
“B.A.B.L. has informed me of your limitations miss.” The AI says.   
“Oh. Thanks.”   
“Where’s Bucky?” Sam asks.   
“Downstairs in the gym. His levels are high and it may be best for you to avoid him.”  
“What levels?”  
“Aggression or irritation. Bucky and I have a pretty strained relationship.”  
“Shocking.” You tease, “F.R.I.D.A.Y. can you guide me to the gym?”  
“Of course miss.” The AI guides you to an elevator, down to a cold basement and down a long hallway. You hear him before you’re halfway there. How in the world is anyone able to withstand one of his punches. It seems like the bag is falling apart. You hear a door slide open and enter tentatively. You lean against the wall as Bucky continues to beat on the bag. You hear metal shift, then the bag explodes shooting sand across the floor.   
“Damn.” You say into the now, mostly, silent room. All you can hear is the swinging of the chain and Bucky’s labored breathing.   
“What are you doing here?” He asks, not exactly sounding thrilled to see you.   
“I realized I was being unfair.”  
“You think!” He sneers and you flinch slightly F.R.I.D.A.Y. did warn you that he was agitated.   
“Yea I do.” You say calmly, you move toward him slowly, you should’ve brought your cane in. You bump into some sort of gym equipment then stumble slightly. He moves quickly righting you on your feet before you can hit the ground.   
“Are you okay?”  
“Yea, thanks James.” You say resting a hand on his arm. “Or would you prefer I call you Bucky?”  
“No. No. I want you to call me James.” He says softly.   
“I just, I have three questions.” You say hesitantly. “Wait maybe four.” You hear him chuckle softly.   
“Okay.”  
“First, why did you try to hide who you were from me?” He lets out a long sigh and you hear his hand run through his hair.   
“I-I couldn’t really just be a normal guy with anyone else. They see the arm and they know what I was.”  
“What?”  
“I was a monster.”   
"I don't think you were a monster. From what Sam told me you were abused. A victim."  
"You sound like Steve."  
"Then Steve must be a genius."   
"Don't tell him that.” He sounds like he’s smiling.   
“Okay. Second question, will you forgive me?”  
“Of course.” He answers without hesitation.   
“Third question. Dinner tomorrow night?”   
“As long as Steve doesn’t send us out on a mission I’ll be there. Where do you want to go?”  
“My place. I’ll cook.”  
“What’s question four?”  
“Can I see you?”  
“How do you do that?”  
“I use my hands.”  
“On my face?”  
“Yes.” He’s quiet for a while, it's a pretty personal thing you've asked of him so you're not exactly surprised that he's taking his time to think about it.   
“Okay.”


	5. Seeing Him: 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She finally gets to see him, in her own terms

He guided your hands to his face then let go of your wrists. You feel his hair brush the backs of your hands as you move them slowly brushing your thumbs along his cheekbones. He has a strong jaw, it’s square and covered with short hairs. His chin has a small dip in it. His lips are soft and long, not extremely full but not thin either. You feel the corners go up when your fingers linger there. His nose is straight, something that surprises you.   
“You look surprised.” He says, his breath brushing your skin.   
“I would have expected your nose to have been broken.”  
“It has been. Multiple times.”  
“It doesn’t feel that way.” You move your fingers to his eyes, which he’s closed, and are again surprised, this time by the length of his lashes. He has a prominent brow bone and a gently sloping forehead. “What color are your eyes?”   
“Blue.”  
“Like the sky?”  
“More grey than that.”   
“What about your hair?”   
“Dark brown.”   
“I’ve always had a thing for brunettes.” You flirt and he laughs softly.   
“Me too.” You realize then that you still have your hands on his face. You go to move when he catches your wrists. “Stay.” He whispers, it’s still a strange sensation his metal hand cool against your warm skin, but you don't mind it. In all honestly it's kind of nice, you know that it's what makes him, uniquely him. You move closer to him, he smells like sweat, mechanical oil, cinnamon, coffee and of the shower gel he uses. It's comforting, he wraps an arm around your waist and rests his chin on top of your head. He pulls you flush to him, your bodies fit together like they were made for this. You hum softly, you wish you could actually see him, his face, the way he looks at you, the color of his eyes and the way his face lights up when he smiles. You bury your face into his chest, trying to get as close to him as you can. "You okay doll?" He asks softly, the concern evident in his voice.  
"I just, I wish I could actually see you James."  
"I can't imagine what it's like for you. How can I help?"  
“This is good enough.” You whisper, “But someone is coming.”  
“Want to move up that dinner date?”   
“Anxious are we?” You tease, a smile pulling on your lips.  
“Let me take you out.” He mutters.  
“Okay.”


	6. Seeing Him: 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when you get a moment in Bucky's shoes?

You and Bucky leave the tower a half hour later, he’d wanted to shower and change. It had seemed that his teammates and friends had wanted to get to know you a bit before you went out with their friend. They’d all been kind, but you could tell they were all apprehensive of you. An outsider. Steve had seemed the most, interested in you and your intentions toward his best friend. Something that probably came naturally since Sam had cracked a joke about it and how protective he was being.   
It was nice knowing that Sam had your back and would be honest with his friend about you. He was never one to sugar coat anything.  
Once he was done with his shower James had taken your hand in his flesh one and led you out of the tower.   
"It doesn't freak me out you know." You tell him as you cling to him on the elevator. They always made you dizzy, you were standing still but could feel the rapid movement of the room.  
"What?"  
"That you're an Avenger." You can practically feel him swelling with pride, "And the arm thing. I wish I could see it."  
"It's a weapon."  
"It's part of you James. It's like if I had glasses that made it so that I could see and they were these huge metal things would you care?"  
"No."  
"That's how I feel about your arm."   
He's quieter once you're on the street, you don't know why but he seems to almost try and make himself seem smaller. But you don’t see the way that people stare at him, you hear how they move away from him though and it breaks your heart.   
“James?”  
“Yea.”  
“Where are we going?”  
“Wherever you’d like to go.” He says softly, you can hear the smile in his voice.   
“There’s a diner a few blocks from here we could go to.”  
“Where?”  
“On Ninth.”  
“How do you know we’re two streets off of ninth?”  
“The sounds. The smells.” You laugh softly, “When you can’t rely on one sense you learn other ways to be observant.” You walk into the small diner and it goes quiet.   
“Uh. Hi.” Lisa, one of the waitresses says. You're a regular here so they know your limitations.   
“Hi Lisa. Could we get a table?”  
“Uh, yea.” She says hesitantly.   
“What’s wrong?”  
“Can I talk to you?” She says quietly as she wraps a hand around your arm.   
“I’ll be right back.” You say letting go of James’ arm. Taking Lisa’s arm you follow her away.   
“You know who that is right?” She whispers, “Who you’re with.”  
“Yes.”  
“How can you stand to let him touch you? He’s a murderer. A psycho.”   
“No. He’s not. He was brainwashed, it wasn’t his fault.”  
“I always thought that you were smart but this is stupid, really stupid. He’s a monster. He could kill you with a twitch of his fingers.”  
“How dare you.” You hiss. “He’s a victim. He never had a choice. Don’t you dare go judging him by what you’ve heard in the news.”  
“We have the right to refuse any-.”  
“Fuck you.” You snarl cutting her off, “Don’t expect me to come back.” You turn away from her and reach a hand out for James. His hand is in yours quickly, almost like he was anticipating it.   
“Let’s go.” He says softly, you hear the hurt in his voice and all you want to do is make it go away.   
“Yea. We’re getting the hell out of here.” You snap, “I’ll cook for you, at my place.”   
“Okay.” He leads you out of the cafe and back onto the street. You’re furious, too angry to even talk with him as he makes the journey back to your house with you.


	7. Seeing Him: End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter, thank you so much for reading. Sorry my chapter summaries suck.

“You didn’t have to do that for me you know.” James says softly as you unlock the door of your brownstone.   
“Welcome home miss. Welcome Mr. Barnes.” B.A.B.L. says when you enter the brownstone.   
“Yes. I did. She was being a judgemental bitch. I should have slapped her.” You snarl and James laughs. “Why are you laughing?”   
“Because. You’re so sweet to be so upset for me.”  
“How doesn’t this bother you?”  
“It used to, I deserve it.”   
“James.” You whisper reaching for him. "You are not a monster." He takes your hand and you move into his embrace. You slide your hands to his cheeks and brush your thumbs across his cheekbones. You feel his weight shift then his mouth is on yours. His lips seem to touch your soul, they seem to wrap something around your heart and tug. He slides his lips from yours and laughs softly.   
“So dinner.” He says.   
“Right. That’s what we were doing. What do you want? I can cook or we can order out.”  
“Let’s order out. My treat.”  
“Are you sure?”  
“Yea. I want to cuddle up with you on that couch for as long as possible.”  
“Ah.” You chuckle, “So what do you want?”  
“Chinese?”  
“Perfect. B.A.B.L. can you order some food from Lee’s?”  
“Your usual?”  
“Sesame chicken.” You clarify for James. “What would you like?”  
“Lo Mien?”  
“Of course sir.” B.A.B.L. says as you lead James to your favorite chair. He sits down then pulls you onto his lap.   
“It must be nice having the AI system.”  
“Yea. Babs is great. I assume it’s your doing.”  
“Tony owed me a favor.” You like being curled up against him like this. It feels natural. Like this is where you’re supposed to be.   
“Well I’m glad.” You rest your head against his shoulder and sigh softly. “I still wish I could see you.” You admit.   
“You see me better than anyone else. Other than Steve but he’s known me for a hundred years.”   
“What do you mean?”  
“You see me, not my arm. Not my past. You can see past that. I don’t feel like I have to put up a front for you.”  
“I’d see through it. No pun intended.”  
“You probably would.” He kisses your temple and you can’t help but smile softly. You’re glad he had to rescue you. You’re glad that you fought with him, learned about him. It all brought you to this moment, to James. And thank god for that.

**Author's Note:**

> All fics can also be found on Tumblr at Kaunis-Sielu. I'm slowly working on transferring them from there to here, all new stories will be posted on both platforms.


End file.
